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Abelard & Heloise
Part 2. Letter 3. Heloise to Abelard
extracts from this long letter--
.....we were also greatly surprised when instead of bringing us the healing balm of comfort you increased our desolation and made the tears to flow which you should have dried..........spare us, I implore you, master, spare us words such as these which can only intensify our existing unhappiness;........and so, I beg you, spare us - spare her at least, who is yours alone, by refraining from words like these.They pierce the heart with swords of death..........but if I lose you, what is left for me to hope for ? What reason for continuing on Life's Pilgrimage, for which I have no support save the knowledge that you are alive, now that I am forbidden all other pleasures in you and denied even the joy of your presence which from time to time could restore me to myself..........in my case, the pleasures of lovers which we shares have been too sweet -they can never displease me, and can scarcely be banished from my thoughts. Wherever I turn they are always there before my eyes bringing with them awakened longings and fantasies which will not let me sleep. Even during the celsbration of Mass, when our prayers should be purer, lewd visions of those pleasures take such a hold upon my unhappy soul that my thoughts are on their wantoness instead of on my prayers..........of all wretched women I am the most wretched, and amongst the unhappy, I am the unhappiest. The higher I was exalted when you prefered me to all other women, the greater my suffering over my own fall and yours, when I was flung down; for the higher the ascent, the heavier the fall..........at every stage in my life up to now, as God knows, I have feared to offend you rather than God, and tried to please you more than Him..........
This letter, from Heloise to Abelard, which I have had to severely precis, is really wonderful, and I would highly recommend reading it, in full.
Part 2. letter 3. http://soundclick/share.cfm?id=11902729